Showing posts with label chaste heartfelt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chaste heartfelt. Show all posts

Thursday, December 23, 2010

2010

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious n the Most Merciful..

today, its december 22, 2010.

in 2 days time, i will be married to a man whom i think the only person (so far) who could love me, hate me,

and accept me, the way i really am.

i'm a hopeless romantic, and i'm a foolish girl who'd fall in love again n again in dis course of life,

but i believe, this is the time where i would never again fall in love, but with only dis one man.

the journey is yet to take its turn, but i hope, i would live to see many other great things in dis world (insyaAllah) with the person i loved the most.

and in a matter of 7, or 8 days,

2010 would be another history.

another memories.

written among many pages in the book we called life.

strength and courage must we muster,

to face a great deal of things we have yet to see.

i am afraid.

fear that i would fall and stumble upon hardships and challenges.

fear that i would lost to worldly temptations, evil's hatred, or human's contempt and jealousy.

and i fear the most that, i'd lose ppl i love and God's mercy on me.

but i'm keeping my head high, my hopes even higher,

for families n friends worth having,

for a world worth living,

and,

for a love worth fighting,

may Allah bless us. insyaAllah.

Monday, October 18, 2010

nikmat yang tidak dihargai ....

lebam dan bengkak. merah dan biru.

bonjol dan benggol, senget dan tersimpul.


di perbaringan, mata terlekat, rapat.

terlepas lelahan kuat, terhembus nafas yang tersekat.

terasa nikmat yg tak terucap.

mata rasa berpinar, bahu terasa pijar.

kaki terjulur lemah longlai, tangan terhulur tak tergapai....


kadangkala terasa berdosa sekali, bila nikmat yang satu ini tidak disyukuri.

akan kah kekal pemberianNya yang satu ini, bila si hamba tidak menyesali?


mahu ku lari ke dada langit,

mencari gemersik suara kekasih,

alunan merdu sang bayu menggamit,

jiwa insan meratap, merintih.


ash21

2010/10/18

Sunday, March 21, 2010

at the very end of my birthday.

here am i, sitting in front of dis monitor, browsing thru pages of books i'll need for tomorrow. doing my usual sunday nite routine, checking up on necessities for school:
handouts - check. references - check. clothes ironed - not check. bags - check. pens and markers - (urmm, mana pulak ni...) later check. and my saviour-of-the-day; the green skittles (to keep me awake throughout the day) - not check (ala, lupa nk beli).

i am 25 today, and in a few minutes, 25 years and one day :) its not everyday that u r turning 25. and my time will pass soon. i had a great time today, spending half the day with my family, and the other half with the love of my life; faiz fauzan. yea yea, i know i sounded like a hopeless romantic, but i AM romantic. at least he makes me feel like i'm romantic (blergh!)

today, 21st of march 2010 is one day of a kind. i'm not really having a blast, rather a quiet n peaceful birthday. but i loved every moment that passed. text messages, calls and fb's wall posts really made my day :)though i am sad by certain turn of events that leads to uncomfortableness (ada ke pkataan ni? tetibe rasa tak sure plak) deep in dis heart, i am truly and deeply moved by frens that willing to spare a moment of their precious time to convey their warmest wish for me. all these while, i'm having dis thought, gloomy thought that no one really cares, but i was wrong. even if its only for today, only for a minute, i felt like i'm honoured, appreciated, remembered, and loved. really, its the thoughts that count :)

ppl say dat absence makes heart grew fonder. well, i guess it is. kesibukan hidup, bebanan kerja dan tanggungjawab, problems and seclusions, prejudice and misunderstanding; these are some of the things that led us away from each other. day by day. minute by minute. and we thought we dont care.

relationships, fade by time and distance makes us forget people who really close to us. but at times like this, special occasion like this birthday is the kind of time where we seek to rethink our resolves and stands, change our perception and come back to the right track of understanding and conformity. we thought we dont care, but in reality, we do. that is why, simple messages like "Hey, happy birthday mate!" or "u are old!" can really mend the broken heart n then to love again.

i am grateful to you, you and you. You know who you are. thanks for the love, thanks for the warmth feelings you gave on this special day. you will always remembered.

I LOVE YOU.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

la di da!

wah, skang ni musim hujan dah pun bermula.. sana sini banjir, nasib baik johor tak banjir. lagi. hopefully not. teringat kawan2 kat kelantan dan terengganu, terkena tak tempias banjir. mudah2an semuanya selamat je..

arini aku balik lewat lagi dr sekolah, pukul 4 baru sampai umah, ni sume gara2 mesyuarat akhir tahun SARS1. letih btol meeting lama2, tapi nasib baik tuan haji W ada wat lawak sket last2 tu. heheh, AJK Payung, menarik btol nama tu :)

meeting abes dah nak dekat kul 330, masing2 dah resah atas kerusi. apa taknya, langit time tu mendung je. angin sejuk pon dh start terasa (tipu aa fatin, ko dok dalam aircond, mana rasa angin) bila tuan haji bagi salam je, sume bingkas. aku je terhegeh2 angkut beg. pi naik opis, punch kad dulu. alamak! ada lagi barang tertinggal... alaa..

drive balik arini seronok, tapi scary pon ada gak. seronok sebab ujan lebat, sejuk! scary sbb nyaris2 kete aku nk ke bahu jalan sbb laju, jalan licin (tak perasan meter :P) tapi alhamdulillah, aku slamat gak sampai umah...


dan sbb lain hari ni best ialah.... aku dpt mkn ulam yg lm diidamkan! hehhe, dah lama dok cari pucuk gajus, teringat time bersantap di restoran nasi ulam kat pdg tembak dgn ita n dayah.. sedapnye... sebenarnye, aku dah lupa mcm mana rupe ulam yg aku mkn dulu tu, tp ita kata daun gajus. akak yg bagi aku ulam ni pon kata ni daun gajus, aku pon iyo kan ajo laaa... hehehe. cube korang tgk, betul eh ni daun gajus??

apapun kawan2, hidup perlu diteruskan :) heh. till next time, bye!

(this entry is dedicated to beloved friends who are always supporting me, believing me and have faith in whatever i do. i love you guys, a lot, truly, madly, deeply. You know who you are.)

--C.H.A.S.T.E..H.E.A.R.T.F.E.L.T--

Saturday, October 31, 2009

i have felt it all...


Dh lama tak menulis kat blog ni. walaupun sebelum ni aku dh berazam nk jd blogger yg aktif, nampaknya tinggal azam je la :) life’s so unmanageable, uncontrollable dan segala ‘un’ ‘un’ yg sewaktu dengannya.. Due to all these ‘un’, I almost missed my convocation. For almost a month and a half, I’ve been working day n night and deprived of my rest and sleep. But I wouldn’t want to complaint. Cos what I did were something that I wanted to do, and wished for. But I guess I was too reckless :)

My convocation was scheduled on Sunday, 18th of October 2009. On Friday, the whole fam n I set out for my uncle’s place in klang to attend the ceremony. Unfortunately, jumaat tu aku dh start demam and I was getting a lot worse on Saturday. Masa tu xtau dh nk ngadu kat sape, except for oney n shaffiq. I was desperately clinging to the last energy that I had, just to make sure that I would be able to get up and attend the ceremony, meeting friends and receiving the much anticipated scroll from the PC myself. I had missed the chance of meeting my friends week earlier due to work I did on weekends (I don’t have ‘weekends’ for months!) so I’m not letting go of this only chance. But as much as I tried to hold on, I gave in. last2, mlm tu ibu ‘rendam’ aku dlm air, just to cool down the heat. Masa tu aku pk, mmg xleh bgn jgk aa ni jwbnye.. pasrah dah :(

“Kawan-kawan sume tgh sibuk bsiap agaknya”, aku masih lg berbaring. Nk msg, tapi xsampai ati nk ganggu kegembiraan org len dgn kerisauan sakit diri ni. “Tahan fatin…” last2, ganggu shaffiq jgk, nak ngadu sakit yg tak bhenti lg… (nasib baik pakcik tu sporting) ada kawan yg concern n beri semangat, rasa sihat sket. Tak dapat tidak, “esok aku mesti bgn!” senyap2 aku bjanji dgn diri sendiri.

Nevertheless, Thanks to the Almighty (ibu did a solat hajat out of concern for me, thanks ibu!) I managed to wake up the next morning, feeling nothing but vigor and excitement! Bangun pun dh agak lambat jgk, so kelam kabut sket laa. Tudung ntah senget agaknya, muka tak de aa nk make up pape. Redah je! but seriously, I’m soo thankful to Allah for everything. While singing the song ‘UiTM diHatiku’, I did shed tears (naseb baik xde org nampak). All these years of working hard and playing around, and tears and laughter, had paid off. Seeing all happy faces of friends and crying mums and dads over the children’s achievement, left me almost speechless. “Syukran ya Allah” was the only thing I could say.

Keluar dari dewan, trapped dlm lautan graduan gembira yg masing2 mencari muka2 org tersayang. Siap traffic jam plak. Aku dahle tak bwak hp, tawakal je laa ni karang. Borak2 dgn gugu, (lama btol tak jumpa memet! ) Dlm pada tgh berusaha nk kuar tu, terdengar plak sapaan satu suara yg dikenali kat exit dewan. Aku toleh, terkesima jap (nasib baik dapat cover) what happened after that was history…

18 oktober adalah satu sejarah. Pengakhiran kepada suatu kenangan dan juga permulaan kepada suatu catatan. Humiliation and pride, fear and courage, failures and success; I have felt it all. Neither am I proud nor am I ashamed of what I have been. I’ve been sorry, I’ve been thankful. What awaits me now is another step to take, another mile to go, and another obstacle to conquer…

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Ahlan ya Ramadhan!

"SELAMAT MENYAMBUT RAMADHAN AL-MUBARAK. semoga ramadhan kali ini lebih bermakna dan penuh rahmah..."

Mr M : Tq..same wish to you.
Mr I : Tq dear. The same goes to you.
Mdm F : Ya. selamat berpuasa juga n tq sbb masih ingat kcik d cni.
Ili : selamat berpuasa kakak
Q : Same goes to u!
Princess : wslm tintun. sok pose jgn mkn nc greng tghari plak taw
Gugu : Sesiapa yg senang dgn ktibaan ramadan, maka jasadnya dharamkn Allah drpd api neraka..
? : Slamat berpuasa... jgn lupe tarawikh mlm nie...
Awin : Salam. slmt menjalani ibadah puasa n smoga kita mendapat keberkatannya.
Pana : Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa & epi holiday
Abg Izwan : heheh ingat lg ye... tharu plak... selamat berpuasa ye..
Farra : slamat menyambut ramadhan al-barakah. semoga mendapat berkat+rhmat dariNya. Miss u guys a lot.
Paan Girl : Same la kt. selamat b'puasa : )
Laney : anak ayam naik kuda, esok puasa jgn lupa! .... rjn2 g terawih k...
Sanda : selamat berpuasa..
One : Salam Ramadhan 1430H. Maaf dpohon ats segala slh slp yg tlh dlakukan..
k. Ina : ...tambah2 kn la ibadah, smoga diberkati slalu...
Kiyai : SELAMAT BERPUASA!!!!
Hanin : happy fasting month. May d almighty bless us.
Akid : hrap2 awk puasa pnuh thun ni. hehe
Madam : May Allah's blessings b w u & all those u love on the Holy month of Ramadhan & always...
abg nobit : SELAMAT BERSAHUR DAN MENJALANI IBADAH PUASA...
saadah : salam Ramadhan al mubarak..

Sunday, August 16, 2009

my life as a teacher now...

assalamualaikum...
lama betul aku tak update blog ni. tak berkesempatan nak menulis :) maklumlah, komitmen sebagai guru menuntut masa dan kosentrasi yang berpanjangan.
Alhamdulillah, buat masa ni, aku kiranya dah 'sah' jadik seorang cikgu kat sebuah sekolah di pagoh, johor. life is not that great, but i'm willing to brave it years more to really feel what it is like to be a teacher. honestly, i do believe that one cannot truly called themselves a teacher, as long as they are not able to understand and 'live' it with passion, and withstand all the obstacles and hardship by being one.

my life everyday begins as early as 530 in the morning. I wake up, and then getting ready to school as lively, cheerful and energetic as i can. at 630 am, i drive to school for about half an hour and arrive at around seven. the journey sometimes can be a bit boring (cause around that time, there arent many cars around the highway except for lorries, and i have to speed past them to avoid getting caught in between) so, only songs keep me company along the way to school.

arriving there, i clock in, and head to the staff room to get ready with books, notes, appearance, basically, with everything before beginning the class. most of the days, i start my first class at around 9 the earliest since i got only 4 periods a day, 10-12 in a week. (at the moment ye! next month tukar jadual lg) i got only 4 classes; 3G, 3E, 4G and 5I to teach. i teach English, civics and arts to these classes and my! what a challenge it is to teach these subjects :) For English, i don't have problem except for finding correct methods to cater for different levels among the students. And as for Civics and Arts, i am completely clueless! heheh. Dulu zaman skola memang tak suka seni sangat2, Sivik pulak masih tak wujud zaman aku skola dulu. *sigh* pening jugak nak ajar tuh!

nevertheless, i try with the best of my abilities to teach my students. my real passion is English, so wherever i go, i promotes the use of english as a second language to my students. many of them ask me how to really like and learn the language without having to struggle or being bothered too much by it. my reply is: "When you genuinely like something, you wont be feeling troubled ot bothered by it at all. try to like English before learning it. you'll be surprised at how different it feels when u learn something u truly like."

i would not want to say that English is easy, but learning something with passion make it way more enjoyable than without one. that is what i believe. i'm not good with English myself, but i'm willing to go to many extent to improve myself on the language. responding to many people saying that English is the language of colonization (i had encountered this once), i think there is nothing wrong with people learning different kind of languages as long as they know what is good for them. The foundation of learning itself is good. so, why must we be afraid of learning if u can improve or benefit from it? those who hide behind this lame excuse of 'language of the colonization' are cowards and losers (pardon my harshness). Rasulullah SAW pun menggalakan umatnya tuntut ilmu, 'tuntutlah ilmu sampai ke negeri China'. so there is no discrimination to what you can or want to learn. just dont lose your faith and beliefs as Muslims.
well, well. i think i wrote enough for now. i really wish to put on some pics like others (it makes the entry more 'attracting' kan?) but i dont have any camera, apatah lagi, handphone ku hanya sebuah nokia 3100 yg lama (tapi penuh jasa!). soon enough, i hope to be able to upload some :)
before that, good luck to all my fellow TESLIAN friends out there. semoga kita semua berjaya menjadi seorang guru yang istiqamah dalam menyebarkan ilmu untuk kebaikan umat di seluruh muka bumi Allah ini. Tabahkan dirimu, cekalkan tekadmu dan kukuhkan azammu, inilah jihad kita di jalanNya. semoga Allah SWT akan terus memberkati perjuangan kita, insyaAllah!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

breaking down

1: "Nmpk...td ats moto. xsmpat nk msg suh tgk... huhu.."
1: "Br blk mkn. ms pg, xnmpk blan. sbb dlm otak trbyg mknn je..haha..smlm ujan.xdpt nk tgk.."
1: "Nape?truk sgt ke level?"
1: "Lek2 dl..jgn r dwnheartd sgt.take tym 2 get 2 noe wut thy like,apa approach previous teacher,etc.mse prac dl, stdnts laen kn...huhu...insyaallah..u cn get thru dis."
2: "Aigo.. Aku rs sbb ko tak cantik kot! Sbb tu bdk2 tanak blaja dgn ko! ;P Tgk aku dgn P***. Berebut2 bdk2 nak srh masuk kelas! Ko mmg b**** yg gagal! Aku rasa ko kna start dr basic la. Cb cr diorang minat apa, pastu guna dlm kelas. Mcm jadikan Naruto sbg maskot dlm kelas ke... Or guna lagu dlm kelas ke..."
2: "Aish! It's too early to give up! Kan kita belajaq mcm2 time TESL dulu. Cb cr balik lesson plan dulu2, mesti ada yg bole guna punya. Ganbatte! Jgn mengalah!"
and as i' about too fall, there are always goodhearted people who believes in me and supported me...
[thanks to 1 n q]

Friday, July 24, 2009

chaste heartfelt

“Saturday mood is in the air. And when I thought I could finally catch my breath, I was again mistaken. Weekends are no longer ‘a pleasurable indulgence’ for a woman with a young heart like me…”

It is only two weeks and already it felt like forever. Life is no that easy and I don’t see it could be any easier if I do nothing. Everything’s trying on my nerves and patience and the only consoling word that I had is ‘patient’. You just need to say it, and it will all seem like a magic, almost too easy to work on.

It is not that I don’t have the first ‘P’ in this way of life, but the second ‘P’ makes it almost difficult for me to go on. Yup, I do have big first ‘P’: Passion to teach. But the ‘P’ number two: Patience gets me all worked up on my earlier days of teaching. I often wonder, why is it Ss nowadays are sooooo in favour of making other people’s lives soooooo miserable, i.e. my life. Why is it that they come to S, to sit on that C, to be in that C if they never had the intention to listen and learn in the first place? Why bother coming to school wasting their P’s goddamn money if they never intended or even don’t give a hell about what happened to them in the future?

Though it’s one logical notion, but I could not understand it. I just couldn’t.

In this very S, there’s a hierarchy for everything, everywhere. You can’t just sit wherever you feel like to, without the danger of being labelled ‘out-of-place’ or worst, ‘big-headed’. It happened to me, today. I did it without realising that I might have been labelled with any of the names I said just now. It has been my own style to sit at the front row in any event (without ‘ganggu’ing appropriate places for any of the ‘orang atasan’) tapi yelah, kita kn org baru, how would I know?!! Shoot.

I realised that the winner of any situation is that those who suka sangat buat keje sambilan tolong kipas2 ni. aku ni maaplah, memang xade langsung skill mengipas. Nk cakap pon tgagap2 lagi. Kata orang, learn from experiences. And that the experiences might be the unpleasant ones, endure it for as long as you think you can.

Dan untuk kesekian kalinya aku pasrah dan berserah…

Thursday, July 2, 2009

only He knows..

I woke up yesterday morning at 6 troubled by news from my sister about a girl’s tragic death in one room at her university (for news, check local newspapers on July 1st, 2009). I don’t know why, but the story about her death kept repeating in my mind to the extent of me ‘visualizing’ the whole thing over and over again. The whole picture was troublesome, though I didn’t see anything or even get near to the scene. I never really affected much by tragic news like this, but this time, it caught me relentlessly.
The girl was found dead in her room due to severe haemorrhage. Believed to be unaccompanied, the girl who was reported to rent the room during the break gave birth in her room alone and suffered a heavy blood loss. Both the baby and the mother did not survive. What more tragic was the fact that they were discovered only two days later by MHS committee after some freshies were complaining about ‘unpleasant smell’ coming from the room. Suspecting nothing, the committee opened up the room only to discover the deceased.
Nani baru je balik dr U** tadi. She shared some of the details of the incident and what has been going on in the university ever since. The atmosphere was affected, and surely this gonna take some times before it will heal. Anyway, at the moment I did not wish to talk more about the details, but to those who read this entry, marilah kita sama2 sedekahkan al-Fatihah untuk kedua2 nya. AL-FATIHAH…

Sesungguhnya, segala urusan jodoh dan maut di tangan-Nya, kita tidak berhak untuk memperkatakan tentang ketentuan yg telah ditetapkan. Apa yang mampu kita lakukan ialah sama2lah kita berdoa semoga Allah SWT mengampuni segala dosa, mempermudahkan laluan dan merahmati roh arwah dan juga untuk kita kelak. Amin.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

an undelivered letter...

"June 17, 2009:
Assalamualaikum wbt…

Aku baru dengar pasal kau dgn dia. Honestly, aku rasa dia tak layak untuk kau, and you are definitely not for her. I’m not in the position to say anything about this, but plz know that whatever happens, I got your back ok? Buatlah apa yg kau fikirkan terbaik untuk diri kau. Aku harap kau sabar banyak2, tabah kan hati dan redha atas semua yang berlaku. I always believe that Allah SWT would never be unkind to His servants. Allah SWT tak akan pernah menguji dan menduga kita dengan sesuatu yang takkan mampu kita hadapi dan atasi. Have faith, time will heal all the pain. Soon, before you know it.
Kau ingat lagi tak masa kita baru2 kenal dulu? Kau ada bgtau, aku penah pukul kau dengan botol air masa kita tgh orientasi. Heheh. I never believe that i’m capable of doing that. Siyes, aku xingat langsung time tu :P tapi aku tau, I will always do things to those I cherish and treasure (haaa, jgn rasa nk muntah plak. Aku mmg suka wat ayat2 geli mcm ni). Haha! Aku penah minat kat kau, suka kat kau :P aku rasa mcm aku pernah bgtau kau dulu, tapi aku yakin kau tak amik port pon. Kau tau nape tak? Kau ni baik giler, jujur, setia and calm. Susah wooo nak cari lelaki mcm tu zaman ni! Boyfren aku jujur, setia n calm, tapi taklah baik gler mcm ko. Dia degil sket, hahah! Dulu susah giler nk cakap dgn ko (walaupun kau tak sesusah D**. Dia tu dulu langsung tak mau dekat) Aku ajak borak2 pon mcm malu2. heheh. Last2 aku pakat2 dengan d**** nk try ubah ko. Slow2 kitorg cube rapat, ajak kau berbual. Kalau ade pape mesti cari peluang nk buat kau bcakap. Hehehe. Waktu tu mmg paling best bagi aku sbb aku yakin kau akan berubah (and you did!) aku suka kacau boys yang senyap n pemalu :P Tak lama pastu kau pun dah start bergaul dgn orang lain, dah stat ramai kawan. Kira bangga jugak laa tgk effort kitorg berhasil. Walaupun time tu kau takde laa join outing kitorg pi mana2, kau dh byk sgt improve. Skang ni kau mmg dah terlebih maju. Dah tak yah suruh bmesra2 dgn org, kau plak yang make move sendiri (amboi, bukan main lagi ye? Siap berskandal dgn d**** lg, hihi)
Anyway, aku bgtau kau benda2 ni bukan ape, aku cuma nk kau tau... you will always make your way out in this world. Dengan diri kau skang ni, insyaAllah, you’ll always be able to go through everything without losing yourself. Satu dua dugaan pun takkan buat kau jatuh. Kau kuat beb! Aku tau aku tak perlu pon sebenarnya kene bgtau kau sume ni, tapi nak bgtau jugak. Nanti kau kata aku tak concern. Kau pun dah tak rapat sangat dgn aku, so aku banyak tak tau cerita kau. Tau pon kalau ade org cerita.
Aku ni sebenarnya suka tulis surat, tapi skang ni dah xde sapa nk berbalas surat dgn aku sejak ex-bf aku dulu. F rajin baca, tapi tak rajin balas kot. Typical lelaki “tak suka benda leceh2”. Duh-oh! So, aku pun tulis surat kat kau. Skang ni takde mood nk stadi. Tak tau laa cane aku nk jawab test KISSM esok. Mudah2an lulus. Good luck untuk semua kawan2!

* * * * * * * * * * *

Hmm... bila la nk dapat surat posting ni. Cuak gak kalau dapat sabah sarawak. Kau nak pi sana? Aku mcm tempted dgn gaji2 dan elaun2 yg lumayan tu, tapi aku takut aku homesick plak. Lagi satu, aku kecut perut memikirkan yg bila masuk skola baru nanti kita akan pi sorang2. All by oursleves. Takde dah kawan2 nak buat teman berbual, teman ngadu nasib, teman gosip, teman pi kantin, dan teman tumpang bahu nk nangis (macam d**** yg suka menangis). Kalu lelaki mesti tak jadik hal, campak laa kat mana2 pon mesto ok je kan?
Btw, semalam aku, m***, g***, a** dgn d**** borak2, kalau ade masa nak pi tempat kau ujung taun ni. Aku dah lama xpi jalan kat sana, nak gak singgah umah kau. Hehe. Tapi plan je la pun, xtau laa jadi ke tak. Aku ni slalu berkobar2 time plan, tapi bila nk pi manjang je takde duit. Tak pandai urus duit langsung! Um, kau pun kalau ade masa, datang laa umah aku. Kat T****** memang takde ape sangat, ade air tejun je la pon. Tapi kalau kau nk pi J**** ke, M***** ke, singgah la. Brapa orang je pon yg penah datang umah aku : P nanti, kalau aku datang sana, kau kene bawak aku jalan2 tau!
Oklah, aku stop dulu. Kalau ikut kepala aku ni, mau 5, 6 helai aku nak tulis. Tapi nanti tak terlarat pulak kau nk baca. Aku plan nk bagi surat ni lepas kita abes BTN. So, maybe bila kau baca ni kau dah tak jumpa aku lagi. Pape pun, aku harap kita keep in touch and stay friends. Rajin2 la msg aku ye? Kalau lagi rajin, anta aa surat. Hikhikhik. Okay, jaga diri kau baik2.

Take care buddy. Be good, always."

Saturday, June 20, 2009

sampai akhir nanti..

dengan nama Allah Yg Maha Pemurah, lg Maha Mengasihani..

siyes, lama giler au tak update blog ni.
sibuk dgn KISSM, assignment n examnye..
esok, BTN bermula..

skang dh pukul 3 pagi. mata still xmau tutup..
nasib baik ade lappy gugu, pinjm jap baca komik, main game. then, tulis something dlm blog ni.
aku semakin homesick, tahap keparahan yang semakin nyata setiap hari.
semalam di'serang' food poisoning yg nyata menggugat life force aku yg sememangnya tinggal sket. gotta be more careful with what i'm going to eat.

* * * * * * * *
"life becomes clueless each day, and every day i'm walking the groove with an empty hand and a half-filled mind.
i'm juggling my memory to recall things i may have forgotten.
life's geting shorter each day, and i know i dont have much time left to repent my mistakes, or to make up things i've done wrong.
but as people said, "life goes on" and so must i.

i'm counting the days to be with those whom i love so much; those who never fail to believe in me, to understand me, and to lend helping hands to hold, crying shoulders to lean on and tearful yet hopeful eyes to look into...
as emptiness and loneliness surround me, warm thoughts n love of these beloved ones enclosed and binded together this torn heart."

dedicated to Ibu n Abah, lovely sisters, Faiz Fauzan my cherished one, and friends who always be around to stand together and to believe in.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

finding my own serenity and peace..

nothing much i can do right now..
the places i used to find my own peace no longer peaceful to me..

i'm gonna make my way..
to find a new place on my own...

Friday, May 1, 2009

to you.

i'm glad everything turned out well.
u are safe now, and i hope soon u'll be fine and healthy, yeah~!

tk care,
get well soon!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

in reference to 'the bitches went haywire' and 'its another wonder...'

friends,
i am truly sorry for what i have said.
yes, it was very wrong of me to say such insensitive thing.

i would offer no further justification for this;
just to clarify, those were written without any reference to anybody.
i'm sorry to hurt anybody out there.
the regret is mine to bear.

at the end of this life,
i would wish to heal the breach.

untuk semua yang berpayungkan nama Cohort 2 TESL... Part 1

6 tahun sudah pun sampai ke penghujung nye..
kita takkan pernah menyangka, apa yg kita lalui selama ini mpunyai satu titik, tapi itu bukan satu noktahnya pada apa yang kita pegang, apa yg kita percaya, dan apa yg kita perjuangkan..

6 tahun kawan2, bukan laa satu jangka masa yg mudah untuk kita pandang dengan sebelah mata.
6 tahun juga bukan satu masa yang mudah untuk kita lalui...
terlalu banyak pengorbanan, tangisan, ketawa, penat lelah yang kita berikan..
kita kawan, kita lawan..
kita ketawa, kita menangis..
kita menang, kita kalah..
kita bangun, kita jatuh..
semuanya kita lakukan bersama..

kepada kawan2 TESL Cohort 2:
terima kasih untuk segalanya,
maafkan untuk segalanya,
kenangkan semua,
abadikan semua..

kepada kalian yang pernah menjadi kawan dan masih kawan;
terima kasih untuk segala yang pernah dikongsikan bersama..

kepada kalian yang pernah menjadi lawan, dan kini kawan;
aku berterima kasih untuk semuanya..

dan kepada kalian yang pernah menjadi lawan namun kini renggang;
maafkan atas segala keterlanjuran kata.
amarah ternyata sia2,
gembira jadi duka.
aku harap segalanya dipermudahkan untuk kita,
dan ketemu bersahabat semula.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

mcm ni la..

aku admit, at times i can be cruel.
the trusting nature of mine of led me to believe everything that i see and hear.
i cant bear any more betrayals, that is why i acted the way i did.

the spontaneous nature of mine led me to do things i wish to do at that time,
but not anymore later.
i cant stop myself, that is why i did what i had not intend to do.

the secretive nature of mine makes me keep everything to myself,
but not when everything's bottled up inside and i juz have to let it out.
i cant stand it anymore, that is why i poured it all out.

i never asked for others to understand me cos i myself sometimes did not understand others.
mistakes had been done, no more explanation to offer.
i did what i think i had to do, and no longer i care.

just one thing:
never ever trust what others told you about your friends.
they can be very deceiving.
often u know the truth, but u let their lies eat u up inside.

that is what happened between us.
sorry for not confronting u, i am not the person with the courage.

God forgive me, but I'm not sorry any longer.
believe what u want to believe,
i'm holding no more grudges against u.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

ketakwarasan pada ku.

ketakwarasan pada ku
membuat bayangan mu selalu ada
menenteramkan malamku
mendamaikan tidurku..

ketakwarasan padaku
selimut tebal hati rapuhku
berkah atau kutukan
namaMu yang akan ku sebut.

ketakwarasan pada ku
membuat hidupku lebih tenang
aku takkan sedari
bahawa kau tak lagi disisi..

aku mulai nyaman
berbicara pada dinding kamar
aku takkan tenang
saat sehatku datang.

"suara hati takkan mati,
jika jiwa terus menari dan bermimpi..."

Saturday, March 21, 2009

it's my day..

1.Honey
"....Slmt hr lahir...
Smoga tercapai apa jua yg di inginkan...
i love u so much.."


2.Asmalia
"...Hepi bday yg ke 24. Aku masih 23 tau. hehe... Smoga ko sntiasa drahmati Allah... Smoga cpt smpi seru. Hehe..."

3.Akmal
"...Selamat hari lahir, semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki. Bahagia selalu dan tercapai semua wish list..."

4.One
"Happy birthday cik Tintin...makan byk2 sket.da kepeng sgt tuh.nnt angin tiup melayang plak.huhu. May ALLAH bless u 4 eva. smoga brbahagia sntiasa..."

5. Family
"Selamat ari jadik!!!! esok pi dating ek? hhehehe....." <--call dlm kete :)

6.Najib
"Selamat hari jadi.. Happy birthday to u..." <-- dia nyanyi lg!

7.Che Ril
"Hye che fatin...wanna wish u happy birthday... may god bless u always...congrats! u r 24 already...heheheh..."

8.Udeen
"anyway... heppy bufday buddy.. selamat panjang umo murah rezeki..lekas2 kahwin.. member sorang tu da pening2 dah tu.. ngeh3x... "

9.Abg Nobeat
"Selamat ulang tahun ke... 24..."
10. Aida
11. Ezita
"Hapy birthday fatin, older n wiser u r nw... hugs n kisses mate, thru gud n bad... muahs..."

12. Ebil "happy birthday che' tin!!!semoga hari2mu akan datang lebih bermakna dr hari2 yg lepas.celebrate ngan abg kat mane???gossip mari!kisses n hugs!"

13. Nadot "happy burfday gurl;)"

14. Oya "Epib'day fatin... Haha.."

15. Gugu "Memet, hepi 24th bday! Welcome 2 the club..."

16. Ain "Slmt ari jd. smg pjg umo murah rezeki"

17. Etok "Alles Gute zum Geburtstag..!!!"

18. Esya "Happy Birthday Fatin! My prayers n best wishes be with you~ have a nice day ah"

19. Azilah "Fatin...happy birthday...semoga pjg umr n mrh rzki...tcare.."

20. Muhsin "asal la org2 tua makin tua ni? hari tu din, skrng ko lak, hahabtw happy beday!!"

21. Shy "Slmt menyambut ulang tahun yg ke 24. teruskan jihad menuju redha-Nya!"

22. Abg Izwan "Hepy Besday cikgu Fatin...sebaya kita rupanya...moga panjang umur murah rezeki cepat jodoh..calon dah ade tu..huhuhu ."

23. Farra "sahabatku fatin, happy birthday! first of all, i love u, i really do it juz that i do not get the chance to say it out loud. but we always understood each other, that's what makes our frenship special. wishin u all the great n happiness in life. May Allah bless u wif his great blessings... may our frenship last forever my dear!"

24. Hyder Marjon "Epy Birthday kak Fatin...gud in life..and God bless... "

25. Shahira n Hidayu of SMKBP

26. Yusoff Shariff "happy bday.."

27. Sofi C5 "wish u a Happy Birthday, I wish u a Happy Birthday and may Allah bless u..=) (sang with xmas tone..=p)"

28. Elee Nabilah "happy birthdayyy kakak"

29. Ahfat C5 "hepi bfday mkcik fatin...smoga pjg umor n murah rzeki ye...kalo da murah rzeki nati bleh la blnja mkn kfc...huhuhu... =p "

30. Alia Mustaza "kak fatin! happy birthday ;) have a great one"

31. Azra Mddin "happy birthday~"

32. Appy "Happy belated bday fatin..." (padahal lg seploh minit nk tukar hari, ceh...

33. Mysarah "....Aku mahu menjadi insan terakhir mengucapkan hari lahir buatmu... muahh3x! hik2 ^_~ All d best 4 u dear..."

Thanks a lot guys~!

Friday, March 20, 2009

the wish list.

i wish, throughout this life for...

  1. a good, blissful years ahead...
  2. a healthy body and a clear, conscientious mind...
  3. a happy, contented life with my family and friends..
  4. a true love, blessed by Allah SWT..