Friday, July 24, 2009

chaste heartfelt

“Saturday mood is in the air. And when I thought I could finally catch my breath, I was again mistaken. Weekends are no longer ‘a pleasurable indulgence’ for a woman with a young heart like me…”

It is only two weeks and already it felt like forever. Life is no that easy and I don’t see it could be any easier if I do nothing. Everything’s trying on my nerves and patience and the only consoling word that I had is ‘patient’. You just need to say it, and it will all seem like a magic, almost too easy to work on.

It is not that I don’t have the first ‘P’ in this way of life, but the second ‘P’ makes it almost difficult for me to go on. Yup, I do have big first ‘P’: Passion to teach. But the ‘P’ number two: Patience gets me all worked up on my earlier days of teaching. I often wonder, why is it Ss nowadays are sooooo in favour of making other people’s lives soooooo miserable, i.e. my life. Why is it that they come to S, to sit on that C, to be in that C if they never had the intention to listen and learn in the first place? Why bother coming to school wasting their P’s goddamn money if they never intended or even don’t give a hell about what happened to them in the future?

Though it’s one logical notion, but I could not understand it. I just couldn’t.

In this very S, there’s a hierarchy for everything, everywhere. You can’t just sit wherever you feel like to, without the danger of being labelled ‘out-of-place’ or worst, ‘big-headed’. It happened to me, today. I did it without realising that I might have been labelled with any of the names I said just now. It has been my own style to sit at the front row in any event (without ‘ganggu’ing appropriate places for any of the ‘orang atasan’) tapi yelah, kita kn org baru, how would I know?!! Shoot.

I realised that the winner of any situation is that those who suka sangat buat keje sambilan tolong kipas2 ni. aku ni maaplah, memang xade langsung skill mengipas. Nk cakap pon tgagap2 lagi. Kata orang, learn from experiences. And that the experiences might be the unpleasant ones, endure it for as long as you think you can.

Dan untuk kesekian kalinya aku pasrah dan berserah…

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